The space-age printer we used to print our Area 51 skins wasn't the only thing that we allegedly stole from the base. See, we suspected that the government would likely attempt to get their printer back. To hedge against this, we also took a hostage: a small, gray-skinned soldier who claimed his name was "Xlothep." In exchange for letting us keep the printer, we'd release him. While he was in our care, however, we were quite surprised to learn that Xlothep spoke entirely in some sort of military jargon that we couldn't understand at all. He seemed to understand us, however, and even showed us how to use our new printer. After about three weeks, we still hadn't heard from the government, so we decided to reach out. We informed them that Xlothep was with us, and that we'd like to negotiate for his release. They told us they could neither confirm nor deny the existence of the being known as Xlothep. Turns out, he wasn't a member of the US Air Force at all. He was just some random guy. One who happened to have pale gray skin, severely emaciated limbs, comically large black eyes, and a cranium about five times wider than his jaw. Emphasis on "was": with no use as a bargaining chip, Xlothep was swiftly disposed of.
