In an effort to automate the production of this email, we tried using Midjourney and ChatGPT to generate fake product testimonials. It was a nightmare: each photo featured horribly misshapen hands and the glowing reviews were exclusively for products that don't actually exist: things like "Tempered Glass for AirPods Pro" and "Nintendo Darkplates for Steam Deck". Rather than let this deter us, we decided to escalate our "fake product reviews" strategy: creating synthetic, human-like androids to stand in for real people. To ensure nobody caught on to this scheme, we took a detail-oriented approach: purchasing a considerable amount of real estate on each continent, moving the androids into their new homes, then shipping them actual packages. In hindsight, we may have made the androids too intelligent: every single one of them ended up flipping their new property and fleeing with the proceeds. By the time we'd caught and eliminated the traitors, our email designers had already sourced enough genuine reviews to last a lifetime. On the bright side, those androids were technically employees, so we still managed to kill some jobs. Everybody wins.
