None of this was part of the plan. You see, for over a year now, we've planned to send you nerds some actual grass to touch. To accomplish this, we planned to secure a monopoly on investment properties across North America, mow the lawns, and include grass clippings with every order. However, before any of this could come to pass, a bunch of Homeowners Associations started getting on our case. Apparently, it's "against the rules" to intentionally grow your lawn out beyond 4 inches. When we tried to explain that the only way to monetize our grass was by first growing it, things somehow got worse. They alleged that we'd confessed to running a network of grow ops, another apparent “violation” of HOA rules. To make a long story short, we've racked up about $83,481,230 in bogus HOA fines, which has really slowed our rate of property acquisition. We genuinely have no idea how Blackrock puts up with this. To pay down the debts, we've brought back our Touch Grass skins for a limited time. Once the debt's been taken care of, we'll buy up enough property to gain majority rule on every HOA across the country. Then, and only then, will we truly be unstoppable.
