Each time you place a dbrand order, you kick off a complex sequence of events. First, your bank will initiate a funds transfer into our corporate account. This generates an order fulfillment form at our warehouse. Once this form is ejected from the printer, it lands atop a scale. Every 178 orders, this scale trips a weight limit, sending an electric shock directly to the brain of a lab rat. Through years of conditioning, the nerve endings in this rodent have been specifically programmed to press a large red button at the first sense of pain. Once pressed, a spring-loaded mechanism launches a pre-bundled wad of $100 bills onto a conveyor belt. A large, open duffel bag is carefully positioned at the end of the belt. With each deposit, a laser sensor increments a cycle counter. Every 100 cycles, an alarm is tripped. This alarm signals a courier to collect the bag and deliver it by hand to the Cayman Islands. Once the drop-off is complete, the funds are laundered through a network of shell companies. Simultaneously, the courier is swiftly and discreetly disposed of. Oh - and we also ship your order.
