People on the internet are saying water has memory and can retain words and thoughts. There was even a Japanese "doctor" who they say proved it. So it must be true.*
That's why we decided to take advantage of this discovery and use it to help college students cheat their way to success. We took an army of Amazon Alexa devices and had them read stacks of college textbooks aloud directly into hundreds of cases of our water. If the water retains the words, that means when you drink the water it will carry those words directly into your brain. Reading books takes months, but now you can drink books in seconds.*