Prioritize performance
As the manager, performance needs to be top-of-mind. So, if you notice that establishing lighter, more friendly dynamics with your team members is leading them to trust you more and perform at a higher level, it’s likely a sign that those friendships can bring value. That said, if the reverse is true, and developing a friendship with your team members causes them to listen to you less and have a harder time receiving criticism, it’s time to shift your approach to a more professional tone.
Adjust accordingly
Since there’s no clearly defined line for when an employee’s behavior starts to cross boundaries, it’s your job to adjust the dynamics when needed. Remember that you set the tone in your relationships with your employees, so if you’re starting to feel disrespected, it’s your responsibility to address it. Whether it’s a team member telling you that they don’t work on the days they work from home or skipping meetings because they’re tired, when it feels like boundaries are being crossed, be sure to call it out in the moment, rather than simply hoping things will improve on their own. It doesn’t always have to be a formal conversation – you can simply grab a few minutes at the end of a one-on-one sync or send a private message letting them know that you appreciate honesty and openness, but that their recent behavior made you feel a bit disrespected, so you want make sure that they don’t cross that specific line again.
Don’t be exclusive
Roughly 75% of surveyed workers report having felt excluded in the workplace, according to EY’s Belonging Barometer 3.0. So, while it’s natural to connect with some team members more than others, it’s extremely important to be inclusive and treat everyone on your team fairly. If your team members suspect preferential treatment, they may come to resent you and/or the employee you seem to favor, which could cause other toxic dynamics and problematic behaviors to ensue. In fact, a study about perceived work favoritism at Ohio State’s Fisher School of Business found that nearly half of employees believed their supervisors had favorites, causing them to perceive their workplace as unfair and subsequently feel less loyal and motivated, and more likely to seek work elsewhere.
So, when organizing casual social gatherings with your team members outside of the office, be it a drink after work or going out for lunch, make sure to extend the invitation to all of your team members, not just those with whom you feel closest. As the leader, it’s important to err on the side of inclusivity and make sure to be attentive to all of your employees.
Commit to transparency
Try to lead with honesty and openness, so that even as you build deeper connections with your team members, there is always the expectation that as their manager, you’ll be transparent about their performance and behavior. The best way to do this is by working feedback into regular conversations, always acknowledging what’s working well and where there’s room to improve. This way, it’s comfortably embedded in your communications, and you can feel confident that even as friendships develop, the professional needs will always be prioritized and respected.
Prioritize team-wide connectedness
We’re more technologically connected at work than ever before, and yet many workers still struggle with feelings of isolation. In fact, 82% of surveyed employees indicated feeling lonely at work in EY’s Belonging Barometer 2.0 report. With this said, while it can certainly be nice to develop friendships with your individual team members, it’s even more meaningful and rewarding to have a close and connected team. And as the leader, you have the power to facilitate an environment in which your team members feel excited about both getting to know and supporting one another. So, whether you organize a weekly team lunch, start group meetings with a funny ice breaker, or schedule quarterly meetings to celebrate team achievements altogether, try to find ways to build that sense of connectedness on your team in a way that feels inclusive and welcoming to everyone.
