When you’re a manager, there are undoubtedly times in which the phrase “the view from the top is a lonely one,” especially resonates. In fact, according to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace Report 2024, managers experience significantly higher levels of loneliness than non-managers. And it makes sense. You’re responsible for keeping your employees engaged and motivated while balancing business priorities and high-level expectations.
While you may have great relationships with your employees, at the end of the day, there’s an inherent power imbalance, which means it’s not a regular friendship. You can’t vent about your company grievances or complain to your team members about your compensation, and you definitely can’t discuss a direct report who’s been getting on your nerves. There’s an undeniable need to set and maintain boundaries and keep things professional enough that your employees really respect you and your authority.
Yet at the same time, no matter how much you like your own boss, they also need to maintain similar professional boundaries with you, and there’s still an undeniable pressure to prove that you’re capable and in control – making it harder to share all of the emotional weight you’re carrying. Of course, you can go to them about specific hurdles and concerns, but ultimately, they don’t share the same day-to-day challenges and frustrations, and you need to maintain certain boundaries.
Bottom line? Despite how rewarding and empowering it is, being a manager can be... lonely.
So, how can you create a more connected experience for yourself at work?
Invest in team dynamics
A recent working paper by Brookings showed that relationships are the most important determinant of meaningfulness at work. So, while as a manager, it’s more complex to try and develop personal friendships with your direct reports, you can still prioritize building a close and connected team. As the leader, you have the power to facilitate an environment in which your team feels excited about getting to know and supporting one another. So, whether you leave a few minutes at the beginning of meetings for friendly chit-chat or funny ice breakers, organize a recurring team lunch or coffee time, schedule quarterly meetings to celebrate achievements altogether, or any other initiative that can help bring your people together, try to find ways to grow that sense of connectedness across your team and encourage more meaningful relationships.
Find connections outside your team
While you have to set boundaries with your team members, there are likely other people within your organization with whom you can develop closer connections, without risking boundary-crossing – particularly other managers or more senior independent contributors. While they don’t oversee the same people as you, they can still often relate to and understand the various challenges you face at work. And though it takes time to develop relationships with work colleagues, especially those you don’t work with on a day-to-day basis, do your best to get to know people outside your inner circle on a more personal level. In addition to helping you feel more connected, it can also open opportunities for strategic cross-team partnerships, brainstorms, and collaborations.
And if you’re not someone who’s comfortable putting yourself out there, make an active effort to attend company events or join relevant employee resource groups (ERGs) for more seamless introductions.
Seek out mentors
When you’re having a hard day and there’s someone to turn to who can say, “Listen, I get it. I’ve been in your shoes, and it’s going to be okay,” it instantly makes you feel less alone and more sure that you can overcome whatever it is you’re facing. So, try to find mentors – within your organization or in the wider industry – who can support you, offer advice, and help you grow. In addition to providing practical guidance, mentors can have a profound impact on the way you experience work. From offering emotional support to helping you clarify big-picture career goals, meaningful mentorship can drastically influence where you go and how you get there.
If you’re lucky, that person will be your direct boss, and they will go out of their way to help you succeed. Otherwise, chat with friends, family, and colleagues to see if they know of any excellent leaders outside your company, try attending industry events or joining professional organizations, and even try reaching out to people you already admire. 75% of executives say mentoring has been critical to their career development, per the American Society for Training and Development, so regardless of how you get there, do your best to find people who can help you navigate the complex world of management.
Find fulfillment outside of work
Remember that you deserve to have a life outside of work, so seek out ways to feel connected and supported in your personal life, too. If you’re going through an overwhelming period, take some time for yourself. Set boundaries, and make space to effectively relax and recharge when you need it. In addition to ensuring you avoid burnout, it also sets a great example for your team members about the importance of a healthy work-life balance. When it comes to loneliness, taking a chill day off to do something you enjoy, having dinner with a loved one, and even spending quality time with your pet can truly make a difference.
Show self-compassion
When work feels a bit lonely or it seems like no one fully understands the stress on your plate, cut yourself some slack and try to give yourself the same support that you’d give to your team members on a tough day. As long as you’re bringing your best self to work and doing what you can to support and empower your employees, you’re doing it right. So, take a breath and recognize that having these feelings from time to time doesn’t mean you’re any less qualified or effective at your job – it simply means you’re human.
