People who know us both say my dad and I are a lot alike. What an honor. My dad is warm, curious, articulate, and has the best sense of humor of anyone I know — I could only hope these are the qualities they’re referring to.
One place where my dad and I differ, however, is our personal care routines. You may remember my enthusiasm for body care from my skin hydration quest earlier this year. My dad is a different story. Being bald (another major point of differentiation between the two of us), he prides himself on only using one bar of soap for his entire body. I’d estimate his showers take approximately two full minutes, tops.
I’ve been able to successfully convert most of my friends to a Soft Services routine, so with Father’s Day coming up, I thought it would be a great idea to get my dad on board and treat him to some body care upgrades. I wouldn’t ask him to add too many more steps to his *checks notes* minimal routine, So I created a relatively streamlined 3-part regimen to help him achieve the real gift — smooth, soft skin.
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Given that he’s a bar soap stan, my thinking was that this would be the easiest for him to wrap his head around. I don’t know if he shares my tendencies towards Keratosis Pilaris, but I’m sure the man could use some exfoliation nonetheless. I opted for the Green Banana scent because my dad literally eats a banana every single day of his life. Moving on. |
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I will be honest, I have no idea what his relationship is to moisturization, but I don’t feel very good about it. What I do know is that he isn’t going to want to spend any amount of time applying lotion, let alone waiting for it to absorb into his skin. Speed Soak seems like a no-brainer for his post-shower, pre-subway commute morning routine. |
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I think he’ll appreciate what a fun apparatus this hand lotion dispenser is, and seriously, who doesn’t enjoy soft hands? I bet my dad would secretly like this luxurious little addition to his bedtime routine. |
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In hindsight, my instructions were pretty cursory, but my rationale was not to overwhelm him with too many directions at once. Plus, I wanted to let him have some room for discovery on his own. If you’re trying this “experiment” at home, I’d recommend providing a little more guidance. Read on to see why.
After a few days of radio silence, I figured it was time to check in and see how his new body care journey was going.
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I was sort of at a loss for words when I got this text, because what the hell does he mean Speed Soak makes him “really hot when he walks to the subway in the morning.” If anything, I find that Speed Soak gives my skin a refreshing chill and is pretty undetectable once it absorbs. I immediately recognized this as user error (later validated by my mother) and investigated further. |
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Again, I am perplexed. ???? |
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Here is where I put two and two together: this man has never used moisturizer. He’s just astounded by the general unfamiliarity of applying lotion to one’s body.
A few days later, wanting no part of his gooey-ness debacle, I checked in on his Buffing Bar usage specifically.
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Oh.
First of all, I’m happy to know that my dad, like me, enjoys showing off his latest soap acquisition to his friends. Unlike me, however, he’s apparently at risk of injuring himself while using it. This is where the baldness comes in, though.
Because he’s accustomed to, like I said, a single bar of soap for his entire body and scalp, his natural urge is to, put bluntly, buff his bald head. Concerned, I decided to give him a call and explain that it would be best if he stuck to a separate scalpcare product. He obliged.
His Speed Soak and Buffing Bar experiences were fascinating, sure, but it wasn’t until we broached the topic of Theraplush that I realized we had a real breakthrough on our hands. No pun intended, seriously.
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Did you see that? Problem solved! His stereotypically weathered dad hands are finally getting the love they deserve. Now he can continue applying his hand sanitizer in peace, knowing that Theraplush will be there to care for his cuticles at the end of the day.
Opening a heterosexual middle-aged man’s eyes to personal care is starting to make me feel like I’m on Queer Eye, and I can’t say I’m mad about it. Above all, I was happiest to share my passion for personal care with my father — and now I can say he’s actually a lot like me.
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