We've got a problem. See, we'd like to stress test some under-the-hood adjustments we've made to our website... which means we need to achieve a critical mass of orders. You see how our problem has quickly become your problem, yes? Now, as much as we wish we could turn up a dial that says "incoming orders" and watch the money roll in, human beings unfortunately possess this annoying quirk called "free will." To figure out how to destroy it, we assembled a team of ten consumer psychologists and posed them a simple question: how can we force people to buy things against their will? Every single one of them informed us that our request was "unethical," before suggesting we just throw a summer sale. A few days later, we had ten shallow graves to dig. Naturally, we went to the hardware store to buy some shovels. Much to our surprise, they were on sale. Perhaps grave digging season had just ended? Regardless, this gave us an ingenious idea - what if we offered discounts on our entire product catalog? We call this bold new invention a "Summer Sale." All you need to do is visit our website, and watch helplessly as your so-called "free will" crumbles into dust.
